Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize