Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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