I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
