dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
