He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
