So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
