i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize