Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
