That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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