Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
