I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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