Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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