I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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