what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
