I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
