Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
