hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
