is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize