Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
