I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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