Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
