Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
