before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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