Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
