I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
