shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
