What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
