So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
