It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
