Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
