either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
