***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
