somebody snuck up and got me drunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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