Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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