I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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