is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just pynch a tree in the face
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
