Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
