It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
