We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize