I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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