it's too hot outside to masturbate.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
