I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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