i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
