Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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