hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
