No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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