Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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