be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
