I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
