I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
