Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
