these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
