You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
