miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
