I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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