How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
