Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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