I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
