You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
