apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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