I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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