You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize