saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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