I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
