my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
