Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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