Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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