Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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