he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
