we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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