ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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