At least make sure they are 18
Why
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
