My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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