my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
