it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
