Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
