I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
