I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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