I met the friendliest cop last night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
