I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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