i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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