he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Send help, water and tortillas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
