Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I won the penis lottery.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
