who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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