Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
