I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
