you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize