i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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