so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
