Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
