I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
