I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
