Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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